I R R E G U L A R ******** *** ******** *** ******* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ******** ********* ** ********* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ******* ** ** *** Polish American Jewish And Chauvinistic Bilingual Biweekly Bipartisan (3) The only cultural exchange on this godforsaken list!!!! Brought to you FREE exclusively by +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ + Editorial Staff: + + Water - 89.5% + + Alcohol - 9.5% + + Trace minerals - 1% + + ------------------------------------------------------- + + Among others: + + Red. Bezczelny + + (Editor-in-Grief) Dh. Adach Smiarowski + + Red. Zastepczy + + (PC Editor) (urlop zdrowotny) + + Red. Nieodpowiedzialny + + (Exp-Editor) (Nazwisko znane redakcji) + + Red. Polny + + (Field Effect Transistor) vacans + + War Correspondent + + (telex from Mokotow) Kazek Duperas + +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "In summer, when the days are long, I think you'll understand my song."" H-D ----------------------- cut taxes here --------------------------- ******** special section ********* "RAZ NA LUDOWO" OR SPECIAL SECTION FOR USENETTERS ad usum usenetti Hints on discussing polish culture. Instead of dispersing your remarks on "dupa" and "kielbasa", it is advisable to concentrate on "dupokielbasa". One can also focus on "kielbasodupa", but we can not quarantee results. Now, preempting popular demand, we introduce subsection with all-time favorite polish jokes. Story #1. There comes that polish fellow to the hardware store and asks for some good chain-saw. The dealer brings in a brand new machine and says: - This one here, is the best we have. You can easily cut four ricks per hour with this gizmo. So the Pole grabs this device, pays, and goes home. Next day he calls that salesman and says: - What the hell did you sell me!? This junk is good for nothing! I did not even cut half a rick for three hours! So the salesman tells him to bring the saw back. He looks it over, checks everything, and then pulls the link. And the Pole says: - Hey! What's that noise? ******** end of special section ******** Attention Usenetters! If you follow behind this line you do it at your own risk! INTERNATIONAL CULTURAL EXCHANGE No activity observed. CULTURAL NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD MOSCOW(). Compuzdat introduced new computer game Nichortendo. Market niche is bulging. *********** ENVIRONMENTALISTS' SECTION ****************** Green Peas Intl. (Pentagon Chapter) proposed new propulsion for super subs -- wood stoves. "This is environmentally sound answer to subs' energy requirements" -- said a group spekesperson Buddy L. Green-Zielinski. "We have plenty of them old wooden wrecks on the ocean bottom." It is expected that Jacques-Yves Cousteau Society will fight the proposal. ********************************************************************* FINANCIAL CORNER Hints on how to ... Financial planning is an important topic. Since the stories about financial well-being and affluency are booming (even on this list) everyone has her/his chance. Turn in your favorite tax evader! IRS (in USA) pays: For getting an investigation started: 1% of the first $75k 0.05% of the rest For info leading to indirect recovery: 5% of the first $75k 2.5% of what's left For info leading to direct recovery: 10% of the first $75k 5% of the rest So, read, look, and listen carefully. You fortune is just behind the corner. And PAJAC takes very moderate (tax-free) royalties ... FROM KAZEK'S BASEMENT So I made it! We went to Kampinos and even stayed there for a while. This fresh air is quite dangerous these days. Pollution is so big that you have to get back to the sewers at least once every hour and breath for 10 minutes. But I took a risk, got there and even saw a tree. Dead, but still a r e a l tree! As far as Nature, there were also some peasants lingering on a horizon in their tractors. They just went on strike because of their dissatisfaction with agrarian policy. They are quite right for they are the losers. It was like that: milk used to be 35 zl/l, curd 70zl/kg, and butter 200 zl per 1/4 kg. At that time the peasants were selling milk for 150 zl/l. And you bet that they were! And, obviously, they were buying milk back at store (35 zl/l) to feed their calfs, pigs, etc., children notwithstanding. Now they are selling milk for 880 zl/l and they can not buy it back cheaper. And it's quite so with butter. And the paeasnts protest. They also have some other grievances. They used to get loans for, say, 0.5 mln zl and were paying back some 50k zl (real value). Now it is all over. The paeants are threatening, protesting and blocking entrance to our sewer. I am afraid I will have to wait for a while before I get out next time. For now, do not forget my $3 -- I incur expenses. Kazek ********************************************************************* KABANET "BZDETY NA NETY" ma zaszczyc/przedstawic/niepotrzebne skreslic "Wesele AD 1990" Czepiec: Coz tam, panie, w polityce? Chincyki trzymaja sie mocno? Dziennikarz: A, moj mily gospodarzu, Juz tylko Chinczyki. (slychac strzaly) zelazna KURTYNA odjezdza na zlom ********************************************************************* KABANET "BZDETY NA NETY" ma zaszczyc/przedstawic/niepotrzebne skreslic "Odprawe Poslow Greckich" w wersji eksportowej (petroruble) Tow. Priamow: Ot! Poszli won! DYKTA przesuwa sie na srodek swietlicy z braku kurtyny ******************************************************************** KACIK MELOMANA Do spiewania na ten tydzien: Nie oddamy Wilna, nie oddamy Wilna, Nie oddamy miasta Wilna. Jedna bomba silna, druga bomba silna, .... (W sprawie spiewow choralnych zglaszac sie do jednojga imion Hugona) KACIK CZARKA KOLBERGA Dzisiaj weselne. Ja spie, nie slyse, Maryna mnie traca. Ja Maryne za cytryne, cytryna goraca. Ozenil sie stary z mloda, Posli razem spac. Siedem razy na noc wstawal, Ale tylko srac. On zimny, on zimny, ona goraca. On nie chce, nie moze, ona go traca. I lewy cycek na niego kladzie, Obudz sie, obudz, ty stary dziadzie. Letters to Editors ()Skad sa te kawalki od Kolberga? (n.i.a. znane redakcji) Odp: Rozniscie. Wiekszosc z poludniowego wschodu (dawne rzeszowskie). Ale np. to ostatnie (On zimny, on zimny ...) slyszalem na weselu na Mazurach (niedaleko Puszczy Taborskiej) a takze w podobnej wersji na weselu w Gorach Izerskich. ()Wy glupie jolopy, [...], cwoki,fafle, [...] patafiany i grafomani. Ze tez [...] te idiotyczne ryje wasze, ze nie wspomne [..]. Takie bydlo [...] zasmiecajace sieci nadaje sie [...]. Ja juz te sprawe poruszylem w odpowiednich instancjach tak ze, dzieki Bogu, dobiora sie wam do [...] wy [...] przy ktorych kretynskie cymbaly brzmia jak harfy anielskie. (n.i.a. znane nie tylko redakcji) Odp: Sam jestes [...], ty [...]! ************************************************* * Artykuly zamawiane i niezamawiane * * redakcja wypija i zwraca bezpowrotnie * * Numer zamknieto z redakcja * * 3/28/90 * *************************************************